Memory Dump

V-rally. Purple VHS. Kinder Surprise. Tamagotchi (“So happy that you love me” by I don’t Remember). Need For Speed 2. Fifa 99 (Dennis Bergkamp!). Super Marioland 2. Spyro the dragon. Tomb raider 2 (how to lock the butler in the freezer, can you really get Lara naked? That would be cool!).The Lion King. Tekken 3 (I want the tiger to fight the skeleton with the sombrero and the Samuria sword! And afterwards the hot woman with the Panda!). Carmageddon (who let’s a child play that game? My elementary school friends’ parents! hourray!). The Power Rangers (It’s morphing time! Get those putties. Also that great meme with the tower of Pisa). Beetle Juice. Doom! Calvin and Hobbes. Building a maze for a Guinea pig. Taking cat picture after cat picture with film before it was cool.

Playstation 2 demo disc! PushPops. Jawbreakers. 3 hour long bible movies about Mozes. Lego technic.

 

Top quality Simpsons’ quotes from the first 7 or so seasons:

“Clown college? I’d prefer it if you don’t refer to Princeton that way.”

“You’re only calling us a cow college cause we were founded by a cow.”

 

[[]~~µ$### Defragmentation complete.

 

 

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Aforisms

Aforism 1:

 

 

Destroying what deserves to be destroyed prevents destruction of what does not.

 

 

 

(footnote to something by Hermann Hesse)

 

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Aforism 2:

 

 

Prestige is knowing yourself and making choices based on it.

 

 

(Footnote to Homer Simpson saying ‘Your potato? You can’t own a potato, man’ for safety reasons)

 


a link to an online dictionary I have nothing to do with but like to consult almost never but today I did:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aphorism

 

Is my site starting to look like the internet from 1995? Not that I don’t like it but

 

The maze

When I was a kid, there was a commercial on television about a boardgame called ‘the enchanted maze’. A line was told: ‘Watch out, danger is imminent, a wall moves”.

The game was such that you had to find your way out of a maze on the board.

Each player had this task and could also change the maze at some point.

Which could of course foil the plan of a competitor.

Is this not an interesting materialization of our existence at times?

It also reminds me of such stories as ‘The maze runner’ or ‘Harry Potter’.

I also like zombie movies and Murakami stories.

Matching borders

IMG_0096Two borders, one person. The physical and the mental. Are they taped well together and never part?

Or do you live well over or under your physical border. Do you occupy your space, or do you systematically try to occupy less or more?

Is it fear, a ruse – is it bluff and bullying?

Physical work, big or small, perhaps even going for a walk or cleaning a room, can be a great way of alining your mental and physical borders again. But beware: start when needed and don’t stop too soon or too early!

The currency is love in life. So sometimes you’re high and can do much that’ll benefit you later long time, sometimes you’re low and can hardly  do a simple task. It is reality. And only you can feel it, your balance.

So, respect yourself and don’t think what I can do today, I can do tomorrow, I could have done yesterday. It is not true.

Don’t leave yourself.

Seize a moment of opportunity for good and accept when it is not there.

When not able to know what to do or where to go: sit down and do nothing. You’ll see you knew after all.

Be free to declare this good or not good wording of your experience of life. Or in other words: advice to recognize or not.

 

The green bar

I feel like I am between 0 and 50.
Fifty is the minimum one needs to keep to live.
Living is done between 50 and 100.
I am at 25 or something and 0 often seems like the most attainable option to live.
0 or denial seems more certain or controllabe, less uncertain.
Then I don’t leave my health or hapiness for others to destroy.
Like it’s my responsibility not to have anything that another wants to destroy.
Like I’m responsibile for other people’s bad behaviour and it is to me to prevent giving any lead for exercising it.

 

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Olympics

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I said goobye to my father that morning and went outside the hotel. It was decided I would spend this day by myself.

I had the city before me and headed for the subway, which had been wonderfully refurbished and expanded for the occasion.

First on my list was the complex south-east of the city: it held several stadiums.

I got out of the subway, which I did not have to pay for, and crossed the huge plain between the brand-new stadiums.

 

At the time I was only a teen. Please don’t take this as an endorsement of the Olympic Games. We live in a world which is very much connected. These big sporting events come with many downsides, while offering a fleeting beauty for ‘global elites’. One could google (or yahoo) impact of Olympic Games on hosting countries.

A day in the life

I went to massage yesterday, after psychiatrist.
Was from 17h till 17h30 at psychiatrist.
He seemed to be ok with work holiday program idea.
Was not explicit about us being together.
I stood around a bit after that and waited to go to massage I had booked at 18h10.

 

I took a number of showers yesterday, but still feel greasy somehow. It’s also warmer again.
The massage was ok, I was rather absent yesterday, but I felt the massage in my shoulders and neck.
Other than that, feeling quite lost and unconnected to anything or anyone.
After massage, started walking around in the other direction.
Ended up in alma where I ate alone, which I really don’t like anymore. I have done this so much in my twenties.
I actually cried a bit day before yesterday, I still can.
I ended up eating too much I think,I felt stuffed.
I sat in my room, watching season 2 of community.
It’s kind of fun, but still.
What is my plan B, psychatrist asked.
People when I was teen payed attention mostly to themselves. For whom did I exist, it was like for everyone I was not a subject of attention.
Paying attention to me is painful.
It often results in wandering off.
Too much at once.

 

I booked those three attention-meetings (doctor, psychiatrist and massage-therapist) end to end in one afternoon.
I think for me,I very quickly withdraw to protect myself.
Protect myself against feel the need for and the impact of loving attention.
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